Divorce Perspective

A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with a former client.  She was divorced a few years ago. She is a successful, lovely, intelligent woman. Like many of my clients, she was devastated at the time of her divorce. She did not think she would find love, that she would find happiness or that she would be joyful again.  Her divorce was finalized very quickly. Although this is a wonderful thing, (the longer a divorce lasts the more toxic the situation becomes) sometimes the speed of the process leaves a client a bit  lost and disoriented.  My client reminded me that on the day of her  divorce I gave her a box of chocolates and told her, “this will help you feel better today but remember you will feel a lot worse for a while before you feel better for good”. She shared that at the time I made this comment she did not believe a word I said.  She was sure  that the entry of that magical final judgment would let  her put everything behind her and move on with her life.  She was not prepared for all the pain she experienced for months to come.  Divorce requires grieving.  You are grieving a partner, the end of the marriage, your hopes and dreams. Grieving is a process. It is not linear.  Some days you will think it is all behind you, and other days you will have difficulty getting out of bed.  At the end of the process you have the ability to heal or hold on to the pain. The choice is yours.  My client  chose to heal, she is whole again.    She was glowing and looked better and younger than she had years ago. She is a loving relationship,  has a successful career and accepted and recovered from the divorce.  She said she had accepted the fact that her life was lived in chapters and she was now in a new and promising chapter.

The best part of my career is seeing my clients years after the divorce.  I often wish that during their consultation, I could magically show my clients a  movie of  their life years after the divorce. I wish they could see the divorce process from that different perspective.  I can’t,  but I do hope they trust me when  I share with them my  vision of the  beautiful life that awaits them.

 

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